You know that amazing feeling when you get to finally cross something off the list? When, after long hours on the road, you at last get where you were going? When Siri announces “Arrived!”?
I swear, I thought I’d be exhilarated right about now. I would have arrived at that elusive moment. I would have released my first complete CD. All ten songs, artfully produced. The slip cover, gorgeously designed, professionally printed. The CD release party, the highlight of our memories of the year.
Sales? Yes! Many, many sales.
Alas, this is the last week of the third year since I began this project, and I’m still four songs shy of done. As my Brooklynite father says, “Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.”
Excuses, excuses. I have a list, but it doesn’t change the disappointment I feel, the discouragement. It’s not fun when the car conks out on the way to the show, y’know? I’m on a too-long road trip, living out of my car. I thought I’d be there by now, but then June became October, and now October is suddenly December. I’m stalled on the side of the highway.
If only I would just stop writing songs already. In the three years of working on CD #1, my writing has matured, and, in the opinions of some great songwriters, improved. I’ve got a nice stack’o’songs ready for the next project. Just gotta finish what I started.
For once, it’s not fear that’s preventing me from reaching my goals. Remember those days when I couldn’t even own my gifts? I rarely face that type of resistance any more. Growth as a songwriter, growth as an artist.
Yet, I am dealing with some self-judgment. I know I’m not alone. You get it. When things are are out of our hands, it’s common to perceive a missed goal as a failure. Occasionally, for me, that little voice creeps in – here’s the proof, you’re a hack, a wannabe, a slacker – and until I release this CD, I doubt I’ll be able to shut it down completely.
I’m guessing the jury would cite “extenuating circumstances” as the primary blockade. Will the path be cleared up in 2018? When faced with a rock slide, how much can I do about it? Can I devise a detour? Use the turbo boost?
I’ve decided one way through will be to ask for help. I’m currently seeking a devoted fan to assist me with crowd sourcing the final leg of the project. I’m expecting to need $5000 to knock out the final four songs, master the whole project, complete the cover design, burn and print all the CDs, and update my website to handle the release.
Keep an eye out for an invitation to participate. Twelve months from now, let’s be kicking back, cruising along to the melodies of my first CD, recalling fond memories of a heartfelt CD release party.
And by then, I’ll already be working on CD #2.
What advice can you share as I crawl toward the finish line, friend?